top of page


"Hallie, he's not David."

I couldn't breathe. My eyes were closed. I couldn't think. I started having a PTSD episode in front of my therapist for the first time.

I started crying. Hyperventilating.


"Please, repeat after me, 'He's not David.' You're safe," she repeated.

"He's not David. They're not the same person," I breathed.

Time passed.

My mind finally cleared.

"I was hoping he could have sensed that I was hesitant to have sex. I was hoping he would have sensed that I was hesitant and would have said something."

I started crying again.

A pattern. I feel pressure when I can feel someone else's desires. My empathy is high, and I freeze. I shut off emotionally and become numb, going through the motions. I see it coming. I can feel their desire. I know what's going to happen. I knew it was going to happen. I let it happen.

Why do I get so weak? Why can't I stick up for what I want? Why do I rely on others to make the decision? Why do I think their decision is better than my own?

Related Posts

See All

Unrealistic Expectations

For him to ask you how you're doing. To visit the home you've put your heart into. To ask to hang out. To ask about your life. Your boyfriend. Your travels. Or hobbies. Or friends. To care.

There's a lot that no one knows about me.

Which is on purpose. I try very hard to be a kind person, but it's really a facade so I feel safe and protected at a distance. There's a reason for that. <7 Years Old: I was on a family vacation in Mi

Let me tell you about my boyfriend.

I was divorced for almost a year when he interviewed me for a job. When I accepted the offer, I was the only American with a team of 6 wonderful Lithuanians. Three of us were based in Chicago and the


bottom of page