I have me.

When I have no one else, I have me.

When I lose everything, I have me.

When I’m lost or scared or stuck, I have me.

When people say they can’t come.

When they’re not free.

When they don’t understand.

When there’s change or a loss of control.

When I’m alone.

I have me.

I have a trust and belief in myself that I never had before.

I have talents and interests I never had before.

Skills and abilities.

Dreams and wants.

I have more with less than I’ve had before.

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There's one that survived a cult. She still emails other survivors. The ones who have lost themselves or others. She works with the police. She documents what happens and works on her book. She does t

I spiral. I feel like I did when David told me he had cheated. I feel like I did when Michael said goodbye in the parking lot of San Jose. Or when he left me in the elevator. I feel it rush in my body

I buy kayaks. Bake brownies. Reupholster my chairs. I make spreadsheets and book hotels. I write out grocery lists and buy new clothes. I want everything to be right and ready. That's who I am.