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The night sky

Updated: May 9

"We're all out of compact cars, but we have an SUV for you. It's no additional cost."

We just arrived in Destin, Florida for my birthday. It was a place I had wanted to go for a while. I imagined the white sand and sunshine and it's all I wanted for my birthday. It was rare for me to plan a trip for myself, and this was a vulnerable experience. On top of that, I was recovering from a PTSD episode and a stomach ache. I was not at my best, but I was near the sea.

I thought fast. "Do you have any convertibles left?" I asked.

"Let me take a look," he said.

Earlier this year, my boyfriend really wanted to rent a convertible. We were going on a road trip through the Baltics to celebrate the longest day of the year. Driving a convertible through Europe was an item on his bucket list. Unfortunately, the cost was too high so we opted to wait for another time.

"We have one left," he said.

"We'll take it!" I said. My boyfriend couldn't believe this was happening. He was beaming.

We got into the car and put the top down. It was late and too cold to use it. We didn't care. We drove away from the airport with our hair in the wind and the night sky above us. I put my arms up towards the stars. The cold air hit my face.

I met his eyes and we both smiled.

I looked up at the sky and thought, "If I died at this moment it would be okay.

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I worked for a startup and survived the PTSD episodes. I'm healthy enough to finish writing my book and relive the trauma. I've learned to manage my blood sugar level. I've picked up art. Painting and

Where the sand dances around the center. Surrounded by shades of cold water. Where there's silence and mystery. But filled with love and compassion.

It would give me one less person to perform for. To please. To lose. To regret.

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