Search

There's my jealousy

We got into an argument.


She shared that she was jealous of my life. There were moments she wished she wasn't a mom. She wished she was single like I was. She wished she had more freedom.


It's like she couldn't see the negative effects of my choices. Yes, I had freedom...but at a cost. Yes, I was single...but not emotionally ready to commit to a relationship.


Then there's my jealousy. I wished I was a mom.


I was mad.


This is how I've lived my life no matter the phase. College. Single. Married. Divorced. I've have really lived life fully...almost too fully.... to a point of saying "yes" is a problem. And with all those choices, I'm willing to accept the outcome.


She told me about a date she went on. She said he was comfortable to be around. He tends to stay home more and a live a quiet, simple life. She wasn't excited, but more contemplative when talking about their interactions.


"That's a red flag," I replied. "That's what you said about your spouse when you started dating him."


We talked about it more.


"Here's my opinion. If you express your jealously about my lifestyle, then you need to choose a partner that lives how you desire to live. If you want to sit at home, go for it. From our past conversations, that's not the life I hear you want to live though. You don't deserve to settle, especially after everything you've been through. I understand you want comfort and a companionship right now. You deserve everything you want in life and more though."

Recent Posts

See All

There's one that survived a cult. She still emails other survivors. The ones who have lost themselves or others. She works with the police. She documents what happens and works on her book. She does t

I spiral. I feel like I did when David told me he had cheated. I feel like I did when Michael said goodbye in the parking lot of San Jose. Or when he left me in the elevator. I feel it rush in my body

I buy kayaks. Bake brownies. Reupholster my chairs. I make spreadsheets and book hotels. I write out grocery lists and buy new clothes. I want everything to be right and ready. That's who I am.