Search

"Things are good."

Updated: Mar 12, 2020

"Are they?"


"Yes.

I got a job.

I feel more emotionally stable.

A firefighter talked to me at the gym.

I have three attorneys trying to help me finalize my publishing contract."


"You just listed a bunch of things.

Are you really okay?"


"Yeah."


"Are you sure?"


"Yeah..."


The truth.


Things are good.


I think I'm just use to them not being that way. I'm use to having excuses or reasons for being sad. I'm use to chaos and trauma. I'm use to being in an unhealthy environment. Things are good, and I don't know what to do with that.


I'm tempted to sabotage it.


I'm tempted to be reckless.


I'm tempted to create situations that will end in me hating myself because that's an emotion I'm familiar with.


I'm tempted to book a flight to see a guy knowing it would hurt me in the end.


I mean...I actually did that.


But I cancelled the flight.


Because I'm more tempted to understand my patterns and try to stop them.


To allow myself to enjoy stability.


To do the responsible thing.


Even if it's boring.


Or I'm restless.


Even if I'm incredibly mad because of how bored and restless I am.

Recent Posts

See All

Another Night

With windows open, letting in the warm Spring air. A mug of hot water, honey, and whiskey. Wrapped in a blanket as I pour out my heart on paper. Listening to the live music from the wine bar across th

Wishing

Sometimes the pain from my past drowns me. I feel like I'm held underwater, unable to get air. I'm reminded of the choices I made. My pride and arrogance. Dismissing my family, thinking I didn't need

From nothing

I went from nothing two years ago to this. "Hallie, I can't believe how far you've come," my uncle said as he looked around my apartment. I didn't have any money. I was actually in debt. I didn't have

For Special Notes

© 2021 by Hallie Marie