Search

Harder

It was a year ago.


I remember this path I walked.


I walked it often.


I read my book, watched the deer play, and circled the park at dusk.


Alone with my thoughts.


I was finishing his lease after he moved away.


It was the first place I'd ever lived alone.


Just a bare room, with an air mattress and his smell.


After my heart was completely crushed.

I was someone he invited over at night, and she was someone he wanted to take out during the day.


Is that supposed to still happen at 29? To be dumped for a friend? To have your friend go out with someone you'd been with?


My first real heartbreak after being divorced.


I cried for days.


I lost a friendship over it. A few friendships.


I was going through so much.


The man who raped me emailed me soon after. After two years, he sent me two emails from two different addresses.


I panicked. I called 911. I texted my therapist. I didn't know what to do.


It was scary. I felt alone. I was in a dense fog.


So why does it feel harder now?


I'm in love. I have my dream apartment. Hang out with friends. Paint. Write. Do trauma therapy. Go on adventures. I got a raise.


Why does it seem harder now?

Recent Posts

See All

It's been 10 years since we kissed. 7 since we were married. 3 since we've been divorced. How many lives have we lived?

My mom texted me. "Do you know someone called Brandy? She asked how things with your boyfriend are going." My mom wrote. My mom has been receiving my texts since my phone started having issues. "Brand

I stared at the board. Too scared to place the first piece. Too scared to lose. Not knowing which move first. Nothing happened. I hoped the other player would go first. But I had to make the first mov