That's not fair

I had woken up from a dream that was so clear.

I quickly scribbled what happened in the journal beside my bed.

I was standing there, holding the necklaces that two men gave me.

One man resembled my ex-husband. It wasn't him, but it was someone who looked and acted similarly.

The other resembled the man I'm currently interested in dating.

Both men made the necklace especially for me. Both necklaces resembled their personality and what they thought I would like. Both were beautiful and special for their own reasons.

Both men were hesitant to be with me, but I won them over. I charmed them, and they were both interested in dating me. They each brought me a necklace to show that.

I stood there with both necklaces, and I was still unhappy. I still remember it. The emptiness and internal loneliness.

And then the dream ended.

I remember reflecting on the dream and thinking, "Hallie, no one can make you happy. Please make yourself happy first. You can't expect someone to fill that void. That's not fair to anyone."

I want to love myself enough that it attracts the love of someone else naturally. I don't want to convince someone to be interested in me. I don't want to doubt their affection or interest. I want to be caught up in it and trust it. I don't want to grow self-conscious or doubtful because of them. I don't want to adjust my values or boundaries. I don't want to lose myself again.