Sometimes the pain from my past drowns me.
I feel like I'm held underwater, unable to get air.
I'm reminded of the choices I made. My pride and arrogance. Dismissing my family, thinking I didn't need them. Thinking that I was better than them.
And now I'm alone, surrounded by them.
Waiting for a text from them.
Wishing they would check-in on me to see how I'm doing.
Wishing they wanted to spend time with me.
Wishing they'd ask about what happened. For those hard conversations.
Wishing they cared about my future or my life.
Wishing for a funny text.
Wishing I didn't feel like a disgrace or an outcast.
Hoping and wishing for something that may never happen.
An unrealistic expectation.
I'm sorry that I left.
I'm sorry for the choices I made.
I'm sorry that I didn't ask for your help or advice.