Sometimes the pain from my past drowns me.
I feel like I'm held underwater, unable to get air.
I'm reminded of the choices I made. My pride and arrogance. Dismissing my family, thinking I didn't need them. Thinking that I was better than them.
And now I'm alone, surrounded by them.
WIshing for a text from them.
Wishing they would check how I'm doing.
Wishing they'd ask about what happened.
Wishing for those hard conversations.
Wishing I didn't feel like a disgrace or an outcast.
Hoping and wishing for something that may never happen.
An unrealistic expectation.
I'm sorry that I left.
I'm sorry for the choices I made.
I'm sorry that I didn't ask for your help or advice.